Nov 21, 2017
Season 3, Episode 27
Here come the Holidays…and Relationship Drama
Do you feel the relationships in your life are what makes it all worthwhile, or are you stuck in the feeling of dread and obligation dealing with toxicity and resentment?
This is the final wrap-up for Season Three on the Mama Says Namaste Podcast. In this series, my husband Nathan and I focused on how to clear the clutter not just from your home, but also your head and your heart to create that space for clarity and connection.
Join us and dive in to "The Minimalist To-Do List!”
Let’s talk about family time. We’re headed into the holidays, and this oftentimes means you’re surrounded by family… Are you excited about that, or dreading it?
It’s okay to not be in love with your family all the time.
First, let’s get one thing clear - no family is perfect. Even for us, as we speak to and coach families on living with intention, love and connection, it doesn’t mean every aspect of our family life is perfect. And, like everyone else out there listening, we have family we don’t quite jive with. They aren’t RVing the states with us full-time, either!
Holly said: And as far as crazy families go, I think it's an important thing to acknowledge. So many people go around trying to build this perfect persona and it's alienating. Part of connecting is sharing our imperfections. We make the best of what we have. We learn the lessons that are given to us. And we use that to help others work through their own struggles. It just takes one interaction to change someone's life.
We aren’t all perfect. And sometimes it doesn’t even have anything to do with someone being toxic…it’s just not someone you can relate to for any other reason than simply a blood relation.
So in this podcast, we’re going to discuss those three types of people you may not be the most excited about through the holidays.
- Uncle Vibe - and it’s not your vibe
- Grandma Nancy - negative Nancy/Debbie downer
- The Storm - Toxicity at it’s best
Here are some solutions for navigating the holidays:
How to navigate your passive aggressive relatives:
Be proactive in your conversations - you lead the way
Be careful of your surroundings
Don’t engage in the negativity
Treat them like they are your kids
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Set the expectation - with your partner and with your children - what is your exit strategy? What is expected of your kids to take personal responsibility?
On that note, this isn’t a time to micromanage your children: https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/how-to-deal-with-those-inevitable-parenting-power-struggles-this-holiday-season/
Defrag after the event - talk about what worked, what didn’t, and what you learned for next time. Do this with the whole family.
Don’t try to change them, enlighten them, or move mountains. It’s their journey.
Let it go. Don’t internalize.
These are the people you
weather the seasons with, and although you don’t choose to spend a
lifetime by their side, they come in and out of your life, and you
get to determine how much they affect you and your
family.
Then, there is the storm - these are the extremely toxic people who, for some reason or other, are still present in your life.
The Storm - Toxicity at it’s best
What does toxic behavior really look like?
But what good does a toxic relationship do – in this life or beyond? Do we take it with us? Do we take any of this stuff on Earth with us?
There are people we all know that we hold on to, and my challenge to you is to look at what it is doing for your own organic growth.
Do they lift you up?
Do they motivate and inspire you?
Are they creating a positive energy for mutual growth, or do they bring you down?
Are they simply blood-related so you force a relationship because they have a specific title, like mother or brother?
Look at the relationship free from all titles, agendas, expectations and obligations. Look at what you provide for each other. If there is good you have to offer one another, let it thrive. Don’t force it. Don’t push an agenda.
Organic growth: Allow the seeds to grow and provide the environment to foster a beautiful human being, made better because of your positive relationship. But if it is pulling you down, creating shadows over your light, robbing you of nutrients in the soil, or taking you out of your own present moment, step back a bit. Let it go.
That doesn’t mean you shun and cut off all ties with people who are a negative drain or energy zapper. It simply means you create clear boundaries – you separate yourself and spend your focused time in the light, growing and thriving so that you can spread the love while not being in the shadows.
Don’t run from negative relationships. I’m not telling you that every bad seed dies off or every negative connection is one to avoid. Author Jim Rohn says “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” I’m simply saying to use your time wisely. To grow organically you need to protect yourself from that which zaps your own growth. So don’t allow toxic relationships to creep in. Don’t stew on an agenda for what this relationship should look like. Love. Live. Let go.
Want to ensure YOU are not the toxic person? If you’d like to learn more about your beautiful strengths and potential weaknesses and triggers for toxicity, read more about the Namaste Personality Snapshots here.
Season 4 - what to expect: coming up…the 10 Essential Lessons for Life!
Care for some Q&A? Hit us with any questions you have, and we’ll send you a personal email response back and may address it on a future podcast! Simply email Ashley directly at Ashley@MamaSaysNamaste.com
And remember, if you’re liking what you hear, we want to hear from you!
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- Email Ashley directly at ashley@MamaSaysNamaste.com
*Podcast music by the awesome Renee & Jeremy who cover "Put a Little Love In Your Heart" by Jackie DeShannon. Props to both of them for this beautiful rendition that epitomizes what I want for families!