Aug 16, 2017
If our time is a reflection of what is most important to us, what does it say about you?
This is the second series on the Mama Says Namaste Podcast with my most favorite guest (and partner for life), Nathan Logsdon. In this series, we dig deep into the critical components that create a healthy and happy intimate relationship - join us as we discuss
Laughter, Humble Pie, and Lots of Sex!
“Time management is really a misnomer - the challenge is not to manage time, but manage ourselves. They key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” - Stephen Covey
As you may have guessed, we juggle a lot - and the essence of it is that life fills up quickly, no matter what your day-to-day appears.
Either you run the day or the day runs you. - Jim Rohn
I’ve heard this issue come up time and time again with couples - they want to have time for their relationship, but by the time they take care of work, the house, and deal with the constant demands from the kids, they are flat too wiped out.
Do a time inventory - where is your time going? Check out www.toggl.com as a way to track yourself.
Scale back your screen time. Don’t just go off cold-turkey, but take an inventory on how much time it’s consuming of your day…and away from your relationships.
Shift the way you mandate things. Instead of “NO MORE TV!” - switch it around and simply let the ones you love know that you prioritize them and you want to spend time with them, not a screen.
Want to know the results of our screen time study in the unschooling families group? Check it out here: http://www.mamasaysnamaste.com/get-results
The One Thing by Gary Keller (http://amzn.to/2vGO4J2). We have no problems dropping it all to zone out for a movie - but how often do we block out everything and devote that same amount of time to just connecting with our spouse or our children?
Turn off notifications. Don’t let them hit you whenever they happen. Schedule a time in to address them instead. Set aside time to devote to the notifications and alerts - guilt-free. And shut it down at other times.
Show your family respect enough that you are willing to set things down.
5am wakeup - yes, it's early and brutal at first. But when we get up between 5-5:30, it allows us to have some refreshing time in the morning to just connect and talk - to lay out our day and just have some time before kids wake up. Check out the book Miracle Morning (http://amzn.to/2vGznWk)
If you are a night owl, figure out how you can time block so you can have that creative energy at the end of the night - but make sure you don’t spring up so late that you are set in reaction-mode for the rest of the day.
Time block. You only have so much sauce to make so many decisions during the day. The less decisions you have to make, the better. So what can you reduce down and simplify?
“Dummyproof” your day - prep your morning the night before so you you don’t have to use up that first morning energy deciding what to wear, what to eat, fumbling around making noise prepping breakfast, etc.
Have at-home date nights. As soon as it's lights out for your kids, it's "lights on" for the two of you. You can create as elaborate of a date as you want. Here is the kicker - these are sacred date nights. This means it's a romantic date to enjoy each other. Keep the dirty laundry out of it and keep the focus for these on having fun and being together.
Some ideas:
- Keep it simple and comfortable - veg and watch a movie or show together.
- Feed your children dinner and you two just snack to tide yourselves over - and then you create a fabulous feast just for the two of you to enjoy after they’re in bed.
- Get yourselves all cleaned up for each other - take showers or baths (bonus if it's together) and then, if you want, even go through the process to dress up a bit. Fix a fancy drink or dessert and have a fancy night 'in'.
- Pull out a game and play it together.
- Work on things together. What projects can you do side-by-side, or collaborate on?
- A sex schedule - when your husband is just tired and wants to chill, I have to say, nothing may perk him up more (um, literally) than knowing he's gettin' some. ;-) So schedule it in. Maybe you have sex once, twice, three times a week. What does it look like? Maybe you shower first and hop in bed naked. Maybe you add in massage. For us, we went a bit extreme - we typically have sex every night - so there is a big motivator for connection and also ending the day with a very pleasant bang. (ha - I'm full of punny jokes, aren't I).
- Have his, hers and ours nights - we would alternate who had the focus. On our night, we called the shots. We may choose a movie, or a massage where the full focus is on us. Knowing there was a night devoted just to one of us and then one together eliminated the dancing game of who initiates what.
- We made sure to add in a chill/veg night so it's not that we're always "on." However, although we have "permission" to chill, most of the time we opt for connecting and having our us time even on the nights we watch a movie.
- You both have to make a commitment to step it up. Make space for airing the dirty laundry several times a week so it doesn't crop up on your "date" time. And then allow for your times together to really be focused on what you love about the other person. Highlight it. Look into his eyes. Tell him what you love about him. Send him little love texts or hide a note in his pants pocket (and yes, risqué is fun, too). Do some little things to keep the spark alive.
Dirty Laundry - create a space for it. For us, when we were back in Nashville, our DL conversations happened on the back porch. We didn't bring that energy into our home. After kids went to bed, we'd go out on the back porch to talk and discuss the day - this got us out of the house so the kids weren't privy to the convo and could sleep with no distraction, and it kept any negative energy outside. We would allow for time to discuss, and leave it outside. Put a time limit on it - for us, it was 9pm at the latest. After that, it was time to wrap up and get ready for bed - no more dirty laundry, only clean and comforting as we settled in to our peaceful haven. (Listen to Podcast Episode 0009: http://www.mamasaysnamaste.com/episode-009-fighting-toward-a-win-win/ )
Let it go, and let it flow: http://www.mamasaysnamaste.com/lighten-one-love-get-play/
“Don’t wait for opportunities. Seize common occasions and make them great.” Orison Swett Martin
Make connection mandatory.
Your challenge this week - time block yourself. Lay out what is important to you for every day - that includes work appointments and kid appointments, but it also includes things like meditation, time to connect with your spouse, and 1-1 time with your children.
Be intentional about where your time goes, and remember, the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us!
And remember, if you’re liking what you hear, we want to hear from you!
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- Email Ashley directly at ashley@MamaSaysNamaste.com
*Podcast music by the awesome Renee & Jeremy who cover "Put a Little Love In Your Heart" by Jackie DeShannon. Props to both of them for this beautiful rendition that epitomizes what I want for families!